Pretty Guardian Sailor Lilith #9 – « Wondering »

Kasumi closed yet another book and stacked it on the pile she had been building for a few hours now. Nothing. She sighed. Since the Sailor Guardians from her dream all bore the name of a planet, she had reckoned that her own avatar might be named after a planet herself. But, even after a thorough research, there wasn't the slightest result. She now knew by heart everything about the varying sizes, gravities and distances from the sun of all of the solar system’s objects. But there was no sign of any planet, asteroid, or comet called Lilith. As if it were a phantom star.

The girl laid back on her chair, pondering what to do. She had had the same kind of dream about the Sailor Guardians trying to stop a crystal golem a few additional times. Each time, the one called Sailor Lilith had showed up, but Kasumi had been able not to wake up instantly, and she had been staying longer and longer as time had gone by. It was always the same scenario: the Guardians tried various tricks to defeat the white dummies, but nothing they did would have any effects. The only thing they could bring about was for the creatures to grow an even more powerful shield. Then Sailor Lilith would come to the rescue. Kasumi had ignored how the story ended until her last dream. After Sailor Lilith had greeted her mates, who didn't seem pleased at all to see her, she would hurl an attack at it, of which name she could hardly remember. Then, the crystal would turn from bright white to dark gray, as if the girl's power had corrupted it. Then Sailor Moon would use her scepter thing to blow the creature away. And that was about it.

Kasumi had initially tried to make some research in books which dealt about dream interpretation, but she had quickly been discouraged, since she could hardly find entries about girls wearing sailor suits and diadems fighting crystal dummies. Only then had she thought of the characters' names. All about planets, but Sailor Lilith. What could it all mean?

'Getting interested in astronomy?'

The girl startled and turned back.

'Oh, it's you, Ami-chan.'

Kasumi watched the newcomer as she sat next to her, smiling. Since the episode at the café, she had been given an occasion to apologize to Usagi's friends, and more particularly to Rei. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about the incident, even though Kasumi couldn't shake a feeling of shame when she recalled it.

'I guess I shouldn't be surprised to meet you here', Kasumi said. 'You're a science student after all.'

'Indeed! However, I didn't imagine that I would find you. Are you looking for something?'

'Yes, I am.'

'May I help?'

'Well, it's... a bit silly, I guess. But I followed your advice and tried to investigate my dreams... Well, it didn't return anything.'

Ami laid her eyes on the stack of books.

'Are you dreaming of... planets?'

'Sort of. Actually...'

Kasumi paused, feeling a sudden surge of fear arise in her. She stared at Ami, who had a very serious look to herself. It was only natural that she was getting interested in her efforts to regain her memory. But somehow, the girl had a hunch that there was more to it. The deep and clever Ami, the one who had a sharper thinking than hers, she was too dangerous to be confided in. Then, another idea arose from the surface of her mind.

Maybe she does know what Lilith is.

'Actually, I do. I dream that I'm... some sort of space traveler. You know, like some sort of astronaut... except that I don't need a suit.'

'Is that so?'

'Yes. In my dreams, I go through the entire solar system, looking for... my homeworld. But I can't seem to find the planet I come from.'

'Does that planet have a name?'

'I... I can't remember clearly... I think it starts with a L...'

Ami stared at Kasumi silently for a while. She looked baffled, as if she was trying to determine how fallacious her story was. Then she shook her head.

'I don't know of any planets of which name starts with a L', she simply said. 'Not in the solar system, that is.'

'I'd figured as much', Kasumi approved, trying her best to hide her disappointment. 'Do you think that I might, well... come from another planet, or something like this?'

'In my opinion, things you see in dreams have to be understood in a figurative way. Maybe your subconscious wants to give you the impression that you're different from the others... that you're in your own world, or something like that.'

'I see...'

Kasumi had known very well that Ami would say this, but she kept on asking a few trivial questions to foster the illusion that she had been telling the truth. A part of her, in a deep corner of her mind, was amazed how easy and natural it was for her to lie. As if she had been carefully building that skill up for a very long time.

After chatting for a while, Ami eventually excused herself and left the library. Kasumi sighed. She did not exactly know why she had been lying. She had just felt the urge to hide the truth, as a child would hide she’s wet her bed out of shame. Maybe it was because she felt awkward sharing things which were beyond her understanding.

I guess my dreams do frighten me quite a bit.

The girl stood up, lifting the books, and brought them back to their shelves. Then she took her bag and exited the huge building. Since she didn't have anything in particular to do, she decided to hang out for a bit. She visited a few stores at the mall. While shopping, she couldn't but watch people: parents with whimsical children, couples arguing over their next purchase, older people slowly browsing the windows... and young men or women, just like her, hanging out with their friends, gossiping about other friends, school, music, manga, TV shows, video games... They all had a lot to say. They all had an opinion about everything. They all had someone to talk to, and to listen to. They all had desires, hopes, goals. They all had a purpose.

What is my purpose?

Afterwards, Kasumi went for a walk through the park. It was odd how some places could feel so familiar at a given instant, and the sensation would disappear right after. She felt like she had actually known this world, but in a different form. Much like she would come back somewhere after many years – at least she guessed so.

As the girl was walking, daydreaming, she suddenly spotted Usagi. She was not alone, though – she was with a man who held her hand. Kasumi’s eyes widened. He was very handsome and smartly dressed, and had a very self-assured attitude to himself. The girl felt like she was blushing, and looked away, worried that the couple might notice her staring at the man. She thought that they were probably being on a date, and tried to walk by unsighted, but as she did so, Usagi’s voice suddenly rang:

‘Kasumi-chan!’

The girl turned back, pretending to scan the area, as if she was surprised.

‘Oh, it’s you’, she casually said.

‘Mamo-chan’, Usagi cheerfully declared, ‘this is Kasumi-chan, the girl I’ve been telling you about!’

The man cracked a polite smile.

‘So, you are the famous Kasumi. I’m Mamoru Chiba.’

‘Nice to meet you’, the girl said, slightly bowing. ‘Well, I wouldn’t want to interrupt you...’

Mamoru opened his mouth, but Usagi answered faster:

‘Oh, no, not at all! We were just taking a walk through the park! Wanna join us?’

‘I-I’ve got something to do, actually.’

‘Come on, Usako, don’t cling to your friends like this. Kasumi might enjoy a bit of freedom, don’t you think?’

Kasumi felt blood rushing to her face. Mamoru’s words were very neat, but they bore an obvious message – she was clearly unwanted. However, Usagi didn’t seem to see things that way.

‘Mamo-chan!’ she gently scolded ‘how can you be so cold-hearted? We see each other every day, would it be so terrible to spend a few minutes with Kasumi?’

‘You and Kasumi also see each other every day’, Mamoru reminded her.

‘Ha! Don’t patronize me like that! Let’s have a walk all together!’

Kasumi gave Mamoru an awkward look, in the hope that he would understand it was not her intention to intrude like this. His face remained neutral. And so, the three of them went on taking a walk through the park. Usagi was in a very talkative mood, but that was neither Mamoru’s nor Kasumi’s case. The man remained calm and polite, answering casually, but with restraint. Kasumi was talking absent-mindedly, working her neurons at full-speed to try and come up with a pretext to leave without sounding rude.

Soon, the ringing of Usagi’s cell phone echoed in the middle of the conversation. Though he tried his best to keep his composure, Mamoru looked clearly annoyed at that very instant.

Not only does she invite friends to her dates, but she also doesn’t turn her cell phone off.

Usagi excused herself and walked a few steps away before answering.

‘Ah... I’m sorry’, Kasumi shyly told Mamoru.

‘Don’t worry about it.’

A heavy silence fell upon them, and Kasumi thought it might be the right moment for her to leave. As she was ready to say goodbye, she suddenly heard a bit of Usagi’s conversation, which caught her attention. She was talking to her cousin Shinju.

An astrologer.

Kasumi strode toward her friend and interupted her.

‘Usagi-chan... May I speak with your cousin for a while?’

The girl, who looked surprised at first, asked Shinju if she did mind, said goodbye, and handed her cell phone over.

‘Shinju-san? This is Kasumi Nakano.’

‘Yes, I remember about you’, a buzzy voice answered. ‘How are you doing?’

‘Fine, thanks. I – uh – I’ve got a question which might sound weird...’

‘I’m all ears!’

‘Ah... Does the name of Lilith mean anything to you?’

Shinju chuckled.

‘This is a peculiar question indeed... Actually, yes, it does!’

Kasumi’s heart leaped. She was not sure whether this trail would lead anywhere, but it was certainly worth investigating it. And more importantly, she suddenly felt like she had something to run after, too.

‘What is it then?’

‘Well, it’s a bit difficult to explain on the phone... How could I put it...’

Only then did Kasumi notice Usagi’s expression. She had returned to Mamoru, and she had been apologizing to him, or something like that. But now, she was staring dumbstruck at her. It felt like she had said something terrible. Her heart racing, she interrupted Shinju as she was starting her explanations.

‘Oh, don’t mind that for now, you know... How about we meet later?’

‘Yes, with pleasure! I just happen to have free time on my hands. Besides, it’s going to be a lot easier. Do you want us to meet in town?’

‘No, no... I’d rather – uh – come to your place, I mean if it’s okay with you.’

‘No problem. In one hour?’

‘Okay, fine with me.’

‘See you then!’

‘Yeah, see you.’

Kasumi hung up and walked to Usagi, then gave her cell phone back to her.

‘Thank you, Usagi-chan. I have to go now.’

Usagi cracked an uncertain smile and said goodbye with a nervous voice. Kasumi turned and quickly went away, wondering about her friend’s attitude. She had suddenly lost her composure right after she had uttered the name of Lilith. As if she, too, knew something about it. When the girl came to think about it, Ami, whom she had encountered earlier, had also shown an surprisingly serious behaviour at the sight of her reading about astronomy.

Whatever that Lilith planetoid might be, it was bound to hold the key to many mysteries.